It could have gotten alot worse, but it’s still depressing. I’ve never felt like such an outcast. although it was worse last year cause i just wasn’t there at the start. But this time its more like I’ve got pushed out? maybe this was how char felt last year and it was all my fault. I think maybe i’m having what they call, identity crisis? i really don’t know myself, what i like, what my character is, how my brain actually functions. I don’t fit now. Not here. not even there. It’s like i lost myself? I try to distract myself with silly temporary things like korean stuff. I mean they do make me happy for awhile but then when i have to go back there, the whole cycle starts again. I used to be good at these, i used to give advice to people. but they’re right i guess, it’s always not that easy when you’re in the situation yourself. I still can manage, put on a smile, and look as if i don’t notice a thing. It’s really eating me, maybe it’s time to ‘jump ship’ or more like jump back. but i thought i really liked this ‘ship’ better. How do i find myself? I wasn’t like this last time, i wasn’t always this pessimistic, i wasn’t always this ‘introvert’, i wasn’t the kind that felt like punching someone based on their looks and my impressions. I wasn’t this timid either or jealous or insecure. i think i stick out like a sore thumb. i know self-pity is like disgusting, but sometimes you really can’t stop from feeling pathetic. sighs and every time i have a talk with my parents i either get irritated, or they get irritated, or just just end up quarreling. crap lah serious identity crisis. how do i find myself?
” You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You’re faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life’s been way off line
You’re falling to pieces every time
And I don’t need no carryin’ on “
